The Life Autistic: Not a Klutz (Anymore)

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Growing up, I hated the fact that I wasn’t “well coordinated,” or “athletically gifted,” or otherwise all too dextrous.

Turns out, the starting stats for The Life Autistic cheat us in physical skills.

They just do. We’re not naturals at this.

So I decided to cheat back.

After college, I lived in my grandmother’s attic, where the muggy winter temps of Virginia took their toll. To keep warm and, well, “not bored,” I tried juggling my folded socks.

They were just the right size, they didn’t bounce, and after picking up dropped socks for a half-hour, I’d gotten a good cardio workout and slightly better at juggling each time.

It never occurred to me that my autistic traits might hinder natural athleticism, but they might accelerate what I needed to pick it up.

Discipline. Habit. Focus. Practice. Repeating and trying something I wasn’t good at. Hour after hour. Day after day. Week after week.

I’m not a natural. I’m still not. 

But I can be an unnatural. 

After months of dropping balls, hours of YouTube videos, and days of practice, I became a passable juggler. Enough to where it impresses kids, some adults, and can put on half a show and keep people entertained.

What I didn’t realize was that juggling helped erase a lot of my clumsiness.

The only real anecdote I have to show for it: I’ve owned iPhones for 10 years now. I’ve gone from a 3G, to a 4S, to a 5S, 6S, and now an iPhone X – a beautiful glass block.

I’ve never put any of them in a case, because I don’t drop things much anymore. And if I do, I can catch falling objects with (more) ease, and that’s saved me hundreds of $ in broken iPhone glass.

Yeah, I still run like a duck with giraffe legs, and I can’t throw darts/baseballs/cornhole bags with much accuracy at all.

I’m still quite autistic, but thanks to its benefits, I’ve erased one of its deficits.

The Life Autistic: Be Cool, and Talk Like a Normal Person

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“That’s really cool,” said Mo, describing one of her cool toddler things.

“Mo,  try to find a better word than ‘cool’,” Mom (ever the teacher) suggested.

“Yeah, like . . . fascinating.” I up-sold from a 5¢ word to a $2.50 descriptor, something that would befit a typical 3-year-old.

She tried it out. “That’s really . . . fa-sci-na-ting.”

While my wife and I grinned about that, I backpedaled on the thought.

“Actually, Mo,” I realized. “Just go ahead and say cool.” 

*******

Just the other day, someone shared a compliment on my readout on a conference call: “Hunter – eloquent as always with many nice compound words and phrases.”

Some of my coworkers jibe me on how they “can tell I have an English degree” and “feel like they need one themselves to follow me.”

And in chats, I’ve more than once delighted folks when they mention that they didn’t have to Google a word I used.

*sigh*

For those of us on the hyperverbal, overlexical side of The Life Autistic, the journey is fraught with more dictional peril.

So, funny enough, I’ve made strides. Over time, I’ve taken a few mots justes (here, don’t Google it) from the bottom shelf.

Fam. Y’all. Blooda. Thx. Yo. Dude. LOL. IKR? Like. Roll with that. 

And to my surprise, people don’t think I’m dumb when I use words like that.

Sometimes they think I’m normal.

Maybe even cool. 😉

The Life Autistic: Disclosure at Work?

IMG_6778.jpgI came across an article intriguing enough to where I read it twice, about disclosing one’s autism at work. The premise: is it beneficial to disclose your autism at work?

The topic weighs heavy on me, only because I almost did. (Of course, if you’re reading this and you know me from work: Surprise! You were right: something is definitely “weird” about H2! )

But I don’t make a practice of formal disclosure, and I have my reasons why:

I want to be judged by my work, not by how autism affects my work. 

In The Life Autistic, we can often compensate for personality challenges (awkward conversations, small talk, using bigger words than necessary, social unease) by turning in a good day’s work at the end of it all. I’d prefer people focus on the quality of my deliverables over the idiosyncrasies that they’d perceive (fairly or unfairly) about me.

I want to be managed, coached, and led as Hunter Hansen. 

My company is a world-leader in being understanding and accommodating to employees of all walks and abilities, and I’m proud of them for that. For me, though: I’m stubborn and proud of my abilities, even as they weave within my deficits. I’d rather the topic not come up to “explain” why I fall short, or come behind, or even in the rare cases I get ahead. I want my holistic traits and working habits to be what define me professionally. I am not my autism. 

I don’t want it to be used against me.

Again, see above about my company. They are gracious. Not every other employer is. I’m still wary of autism being seen as a “crutch” or an “excuse.”

I remember during a particularly harsh interaction with a (former) manager, where I nearly buckled, nearly threw it out there because I felt helpless — where I almost spilled the beans early, in a desperate attempt to give my boss some context and soften the blow.

At that point, I still had a lot to refine in my professional conduct, but I’m glad I stopped short — it locked me into a more helpful work precept:

It’s the what & how that matter.

I look for ways to deliver what I need, keep it within reason, open to negotiation, and sticking to the facts. “Would I be able to take this meeting via phone today while I concentrate quietly on other work?” Do you mind if I leave early from the team builder this evening?”  

Sometimes it takes a little clout, a little accommodating on my part to earn some oomph to ask.

It’s a balance.

Work can handle the what, where, and how.

The why is mine, on my terms.