Delete These Things from Your Résumé Right Now — Part 2

In the last round of thrashing the wheat and chaff of résumés, we talked about three things to lop off for maximum hiring potential.

Made those edits yet? Good.


This job seeker described his work experiences with emoji!” — Résumé Vivisector Mark VII™ by Hammermill

But wait, there’s more! Here’s where to keep on chopping:


Since you’ve had time to copy/paste revise and refine this section, the objectives sound almost too good, like you’d do the job for free. It also takes away some of the interview fun. Don’t deprive me or any other hiring manager the satisfaction of seeing you squirm when asked, “Describe your career passion for managing a frozen yogurt stand.” Unless your objectives read as follows —

Objective A: Compare staff/casuality lists
Objective B: Recover CCTV tape
Objective C: Disable all security cameras
Objective D: Recover Goldeneye operations manual
Objective E: Escape with Natalya

— then no one really cares. Scrap the section.

Buzzword adjectives & highlights

You’ve heard them, seen them, probably listed them too. Collaborative. Self-starter. Proven leader. Strong organizational skills.

These, again, say nothing. You might as well put down Proven follower. In-the-box thinker. “Last kid picked for the” team player. 

More often than not, these are just hurdles over which you’ll trip, fall, and embarrass yourself back to the unemployment line. I liked Highlights™ as a kid, but since you’re not interviewing for elementary school, weave these highlights into your work experience instead.

Then again, if you have to list highlights, you can’t beat the following: Hard-working. Alpha male. Jackhammer. Merciless. Insatiable. 


Who has time for these? Hiring managers (usually) don’t. I don’t. You don’t. Heck, even your references don’t.

Since when have your references been a “make or break” for your job?

“Oh yeah, Francis. He’ll put in a good word for me. He’s the Pope, you know — we go back a ways.”

Ah yeah, Rusty Stack — he’s my parole officer. And Big Tony, uh, he’s still in the pen, so you might have to call the warden.”


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