You’ve been quiet today, H2.
Yeah, I know.
It happens.
Even to the most adapted, “high-functioning,” disciplined folks in The Life Autistic.
Sometimes we just stop talking.
There’s a condition that some autistic folks either have or express: selective mutism, which is more or less a way of clamming up, shutting up, and shutting down.
I honestly can’t speak for those with selective mutism; the only experience I can speak to is mine own.
There are days when I’m embarrassed about how much I talk.
There are times when I feel I’m the only one speaking in turn, turning a conversation into a monologue.
There are instances where I say something I shouldn’t and feel the sting of embarrassment flooding my face.
There are topics in which no one responds.
Those things mute me.
Like a locking vice on my jaw, I feel myself close down and shrink in those moments.
And I say nothing or less than nothing.
Not that the words aren’t there.
Not that I don’t want to contribute again.
The Life Autistic has with it an odd voice, sometimes blistering, boisterous, effusive, monotone, polyphonic.
But when shuttered, it is withdrawn.
It doesn’t last forever.
And in fact, sometimes it brings out the voices of others.
You’ve been quiet today, H2.
Is…everything OK?
That is the start to making things OK.
The Life Autistic 