Google “autism puzzle piece”

I’ll wait.

That branding is EVERYWHERE?

How’d it get to be that way?

We’re talking about Autism Awareness Month – there’s a lot of work to do here.

One thing that will help.

Let’s do away with this whole ‘puzzle piece’ mentality.

We’re not incomplete.

We’re not missing anything.

We’re not something to be solved.

We don’t look any better when put together.

Of course we want to understand ourselves better, but we’re asking you to understand us!

We’re not puzzling; we’re different.

This round, let’s put down the puzzle pieces. The icons. The ribbons.

We get that it’s still common, and fine, we can work off that common ground.

We’re not something to ‘put together.’

We just want to work together.

 

Why is there pizza here? 

I was working on this post, and Mo came up and asked “Are you finding something for us to eat tonight?” Maybe that’s not a bad idea.

Before we get to pizza, let’s get to the context: we’ve been highlighting National Autism Awareness Month — a good start in need of a great finish.

People are already aware of autism and autistic people.

And I worry that their awareness isn’t always calibrated.

The other day, I heard about some lady commenting on someone else’s ‘attributes,’ saying that “they must be on the spectrum or something.”

Why?

Because they took things literally and didn’t always get jokes.

Is that the kind of awareness we need?

That if you don’t get jokes, you might be “an autistic?”

That if you have trouble with figures of speech, you might be “an autistic?”

Or if you have trouble empathizing? Or latch onto routines as more rigidly than a robot?

We are not all autistic in the same ways. 

We may share similar experiences, and neurotypical people may be similar to us too.

But it’s a spectrum.

Be aware of this, at least: we’re all different and autistic each in our own special ways.

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The friend who relayed this story ended it by telling me something along the lines of:

“She seemed to make a lot of generalizations about autistic people; how they’re really literal, that they don’t always get jokes, and that they all have the same favorite pizza.”

“Wait, what — we have a favorite pizza?”

….

It’s National Autism Awareness Month, but let’s talk about something needed far more in our world:

Acceptance.

We face invisible challenges that don’t make sense, that get pre-judged the wrong way, that get us dismissed.

“Oh, don’t invite him. He’s an autistic and probably doesn’t like social functions.”

“You know, I don’t care that he’s autistic: what he said was meant to hurt — I just know it. There’s no way he could have meant that kindly.”

“She’s just using big words to show off and justify it with her having autism.”

Folks.

Autism isn’t anti-socialism. Autism is not “license to be a jerk.” Autism doesn’t mean we can’t understand jokes.

After 300 words, people stop reading, so let me use my word count to get to the ONE EASY STEP toward Autism Acceptance.

Ready?

Assume positive intent.

No really, that’s it.

Let’s revisit how it colors those three statements above.

“Oh, don’t invite him. He’s an autistic and probably doesn’t like social functions.”

Positive acceptance: “Hey, let’s invite him. Even if he might not like these, let’s show some courtesy and understanding — I’m sure he’ll appreciate the gesture or even make an appearance.”

Folks, we love when others are kind enough to let us turn down invitations. It sucks more not being invited.

Oh, and please don’t say “an autistic.”

“You know, I don’t care that he’s autistic: what he said was meant to hurt — I just know it. There’s no way he could have meant that kindly.”

Positive acceptance: “I was hurt by this, but there might be chance he didn’t mean to offend. He’s generally nice, and this might be out of character. Maybe we can revisit this.“

I’ve said enough accidental hurtful things to vivisect a whale. We know this is a thing, and we work really hard on it. But we’re not perfect.

Just help us by accepting that we’re not perfect and that we fall short and that, unless we’re outright mean all the time, meanness is generally not our meaning.

“She’s just using big words to show off and justify it with her having autism.”

Positive acceptance: “She definitely loves words. That’s pretty cool, and I guess it makes her unique.“

Yeah, y’all, just please back off of this one, ok?

My extended autistic family and I have plenty of awareness to go around.

But beyond that, we’d love your acceptance.

That understanding that we’re different, not less, not alien, not mean, that we see and act in a different way that’s not your normal.