How to React to Unsolicited Parenting Advice (Without Exploding!)

In my previous post, I discussed people giving parenting advice. But those lessons aren’t learned overnight.

In the meantime, you might have to endure such gems as:

“Only ten pounds at four weeks? You should start feeding her cereal.”

“I don’t see what all the fuss is about — if your newborn can sleep at night on his stomach, let him!”

“Back in my day, [insert any comment whatsoever here].”

“But where am I supposed to find castor oil?”

If I had a nickel for each time I heard things like that, I’d have a lot of nickels. But since that’s not how any of this works, here are some helpful ways to cope with unsolicited parenting advice:

Continue reading “How to React to Unsolicited Parenting Advice (Without Exploding!)” →

The Only Two Things You Need to Know About Giving Parenting Advice

As I was gearing up for fatherhood, my friend Josh (who blogs over at The True Chew) warned me about two things:

“You’re going to get tons of parenting advice,” and “You’re gonna hate it.”

Wait, what? Hate parenting advice? At first I laughed, figuring “it’s just part of the experience; I’m glad people want to help.”

But no. I was quite wrong. It’s like sand. Sand is great in its own time and place. Great for beaches. Great for sandboxes. But not for gas tanks. Not for diapers.

In light of the above, there are only two things you need to know about giving parenting advice to others:

Grouch

“You put SAND in my diaper?”

DON’T:

  • Give unsolicited parenting advice

DO: 

  • Not give unsolicited parenting advice

Easy, eh? The key word is unsolicited, or in layman’s terms: “My child’s cry is not your invitation to offer advice.” If they can repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” then they should do the same to “Didn’t Ask? Do Tell!”

I know, you may have the experience, the fatherly/motherly wisdom, the history of mistake-making that you don’t want to see people repeat, etc., but set those aside for one moment and hear me out: You may mean well, but it’s far better to do well.

Here are two ways how:

1. Give solicited advice

Parenting is a journey. For me, I reserve the right to make dumb mistakes and grow along the way. I’m still learning when to persevere and when to pause and ask for help. Lemme get my learnin’ on, k?

2. Give some space

What a great favor to do for parents in taking “entertain/prep for company/be presentable” off their plate. No effort required. There’s a time and place for company too (of course!), but trust me, if you’re letting me have time and space, you’re giving me a gift that money cannot buy.

Thanks in advance. Really.

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Why I Won’t Be Self-Publishing (and Maybe Why You Shouldn’t Either)

I don’t know a lot of people. But I do get a lot of questions from them:

“Do you ski?” (If you give me skis, yes.)

“What do you do for Apple?” (Not going to say.)

“What was Iceland like?” (Cool. Literally.)

And since I’ve kicked my book back into gear, some people have asked, “Hey, will you go with self-publishing?” And the answer to that is no. Here’s why:

800px-Hoe's_six-cylinder_press

“People won’t be able to get enough of my ‘Goku meets Monster Rancher’ fanfic saga!”

It’s not that self-publishing isn’t a good fit for me.

It’s that I am not a good fit for self-publishing. Me. Myself.

Here’s the thing about self-pubbing: it works when you already have an audience, friends, a large crowd of people drawn to you. To your personality. To your good looks.

Where you can post that you went shopping and bag a grizillion Facebook likes, or fart an inanity on Twitter for infinite retweets, or best yet, post your boobs on Instagram and earn a million new followers by magic.

So your slashfic is some monstrosity of a run-on sentence with nary a variance in sentence structure? Doesn’t matter: if people like you — they will love your work.

I know what I’m about, son – it’s none of the above. I’m not a popular person. I’m a crank dyspeptic and curmudgeonly millennial. I’m far from internet famous, nor am I a social media guru — unless I post pics of my baby daughter, who is doing wonders for my brand.

But I know I write reasonably well, so there’s that. And I’ve found that those who know me least seem to enjoy my writing best. There’s a thought. And there’s a crowd that won’t be reached by me marketing “me.”

Thus the reason I’ve decided against self-publishing: my self.