I’m not much for maths. (That would make a great blog title though—please don’t steal it. My trademark and intellectual property lawyers are better than yours.) But I must admire the lack of debate about the basics. How long is a foot? How much does a pound weigh? And, yes, you could debate it further, but at the end of the day, one-hundred centimeters make a centometer. Or something. I’m not much for maths.
Try asking “How long is a novel?” Math folks: you are right to mock us.
That’s why we’re Writing All Wrong.
Dear Writing All Wrong:
Dumb question, but how long should my book be?
—Nancy Mears, Cranston, R.I
You know how people always say, “There’s no such thing as a dumb question?” People say that.
Nancy, I don’t know. Depending on genre, audience, writing style, whether you want to publish, your book could and should be many lengths.
Let’s run a few tests and see if it’s “too long,” “too short,” or “just right.”
You wrote a 50,000-word magnum opus for NaNoWriMo: TOO SHORT
Your book contains Volume (any number here) in the title: TOO LONG
You’re writing science fiction: TOO LONG
Backstory is essential to you: TOO LONG
You can read your book in one sitting: TOO SHORT
You can read your book in one sitting on the toilet: WAY TOO SHORT
Makes for a great read on a cross-country road trip: TOO SHORT
Makes for a great read while driving that cross-country road trip: WAY TOO SHORT
Easy read during hard work: TOO SHORT
Hard read during easy work: TOO LONG
Can’t finish it during one of your numerous month-long vacations: TOO LONG
Would make Tolstoy look like a lightweight: TOO LONG
Would make Borges look like a heavyweight: TOO SHORT
A page-turner: TOO SHORT
Your bookmark disintegrates before you finish: TOO LONG
Your book disintegrates before you finish: WAY TOO LONG
You read it to sleep: TOO LONG
You read it to wake up: WAIT, WHAT?
It’s something you skim during your skateboard routine: HUH?
Built a house with its pages: NOT UP TO CODE
Makes an emergency meal: YUMMY
Makes an great bonfire: PUT IT OUT AT NIGHT
Emergency floatation device: DON’T PANIC
Kills houseflies: LIFESPAN OF THIRTY DAYS
Kills house intruders: MAKE MY DAY
Writing All Wrong can be reached via email (WritingAllWrong@me.com) and followed on Twitter (@WritingAllWrong).
The Life Autistic 