When people ask “How can you keep blogging when you don’t feel like doing it anymore,” I can’t help but ask and ask myself “How can you stop?”
Am I excited about this venture 100% of the time? No. Is it something so joyous I chase it with—no.
Let’s get this straight out of the way: this blog has become an autistic obsession, compulsion, and enthusiasm for me. It’s baked into my routine, and when it’s reached that level — it is sure to be done.
And I guess I’m thankful.
Otherwise, I’d have quit by now.
No one asks me to do this. There’s no voice in my corner that says “Hey, you should work on your blog, Hunter!”
No. Life’s busy, and I am demanded by it.
My sails on this boat spend more time being torn, and many of these posts are propelled by firing the motor or rowing through waves by sheer will than they are by gusts of inspiration and support.
I have my intractable, snarling autism to thank for this.
It has not quit me, as I cannot quit it.
Its obsessive attributes, anxiety-tied fixations, rage-inducing outbursts at deviation — they’re a difficult cocktail that too few imbibe and understand.
“You don’t…get it. I have to do this.”
Even if I feel like I’m the only one on the planet who can feel that.
It’s tiring. It hurts sometimes.
But it gets done.