Routines: When to Bend, but not Break


As Mrs. H2 and I have been working through an upcoming international trip, we’ve both run into an odd conclusion, one that doesn’t seem to fit me:

Hunter doesn’t always like making plans.

“But H2,” you’d wonder, “I thought you autistic folks needed routines, and structure, and—

Yes, yes we do.

Routine and repetition are our R&R, but at a certain point, even those of us on The Life Autistic know when it’s easier to bend routine, so that we don’t break completely.

Here’s where we find it better to bend:

In high-variable situations: I’ll be outta the country in a week, and much to Mrs. H2’s chagrin, I’m not keen at all on committing to too rigid a plan. Why? Because plans fail, and the more planning that doesn’t go right, the more corrosively I’m going to react. 

That’s not to say “don’t plan,” but it’s much easier for me to stick to ‘guidelines’ when I know I can’t control or predict all the variables. Guidelines are great for vacations, job switching, events, other temporary situations that will snap back to normal.

During catastrophe: My basement seems to love water, and every summer, it tricks some pipe into leaking. I hate when it happens, and I hate how the wreckage to my house and routine leaves me reeling, but in the moment? I’m usually OK.

It’s a kind of situation that, again, calls for a different systematic approach and has an end result in the distance. That “restorative” goal helps me cope with the jarring changes to routine.

When it’s small: I remember a serious debate over whether we would spend the afternoon at a kite festival, which would wreck the kids’ naps, FaceTime schedule, etc. We chose the kites, and it was the right call.

Did it throw our day out of whack? Well, not really — I felt it was easier to confine the wildness to just a few hours in the day, and after we’d had a routine start. It was small, and it followed a mostly normal day — that combination helped.


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